40 anos...
Não me sinto de todo com 40 anos, sinto-me estupidamente tão fora da bolha que acho impossível que tenha já 40 anos! Caneco...40 anos!
Eu quando tinha 16 anos olhava para as pessoas com 40 anos e achava-os adultos, responsáveis, cotas e sempre com um ar tão adulto, a verdade é essa, toda a postura, maneira de vestir e comportamento eram de adultos hoje olho para os 40 anos com os mesmo olhos dos meus 16 anos e isto baralha-me os fusíveis.
Não me sinto adulta nem muito menos com comportamentos dos 40 (parece grave vindo da boca de uma mãe de 2) mas a verdade é essa continuo a apreciar e a ver a vida de forma completamente naif e com vontade de a viver sempre assim, com ingenuidade, acreditando sempre que os sonhos possam de facto ser concretizados.
A diferença do 40 de agora para os 16 é que trabalho, tenho olheiras, 20kg a mais, alguns brancos começam a dar o ar da graça e umas ruguitas aqui e ali, tenho responsabilidades, 2 filhos, um cão e marido de resto tudo igual, e quando me junto com o "gang" é inevitável as macacadas, as risotas, a palhaçada e quem olha de fora não acredita que mães de 40 anos possam ter estes comportamentos.
Muitas das vezes dou por mim em bares ou discotecas a divertir-me à brava e começo a olhar em volta a achar me a mais fixe e começo a ver a faixa etária que me cerca...e de repente lembro me do que eu pensava com 16/18 anos quando estava nos bares e discotecas a ver os "cotas"de 40 a divertirem-se à brava (como eu estava) e abanando a cabeça e pensar "Que ridículos", "Ai que nervos teem a mania que são fixes", "Toca-te"...a verdade é esta eu tornei me essas pessoas!
Uma coisa boa que os 40 trazem é auto confiança, sentes te no topo do mundo e que ninguem, mas mesmo ninguém te possa abalar o teu ego e maneira de estar.
Hoje com 75Kg a batalhar para perder 10kg rio-me quando falo do peso e encaro como uma cruzada pacifica e não como um horror em que deseje que Freddy Krueger me desfaça os pneus. Olho descomplicadamente para o que antigamente era um bicho de sete cabeças, penso que a partir dos 40 é a fase que começamos a crescer como pessoas.
É também uma fase de introspecção, de memórias vejo literalmente episódios da minha vida com uma tela de cinema em modo de memoria. Quando ouves as musicas que gostavas e ouvias e antes adoravas, hoje adoras mais ainda e no teu peito há um aperto porque recordas como foi tão bom o teu percurso.
Os 40 trazem também para alem da saudade, a perda, a perda de pessoas próximas, a perda de ídolos que achávamos imortais e levam com eles todo um leque de momentos e memorias, a perda de pessoas que conhecias "assim-assim" mas que tinham a mesma idade que tu e pensas "PORRA!", a perda da família....e ai o mundo abana, desorganiza-se e perde o equilíbrio.
Com 37 anos dei por mim numa noite em que ia jantar com casais amigos, a passar num jardim da minha cidade com uma igreja de fundo, com a sensação que a partir dali para a frente a minha vida ia começar a mudar e iria começar a perder as pessoas que amo...e a verdade foi que nesse ano perco o eu avô materno e no ano seguinte o meu pai.
A morte do meu pai foi o maior golpe que a vida me deu, ainda hoje apanho os estilhaços.
( um dia, um dia falo nele..hoje não)
( um dia, um dia falo nele..hoje não)
E é isto os 40 é não crescer, crescendo, é aceitar e aguentar o barco nas perdas e tristezas, é ser feliz com o que nos permitimos tornar, é não ter medo do ridículo, de rir e fazer rir, é olhar para trás sabendo que mesmo que um pouco diferente o caminho da frente terá o mesmo percurso!
Tem sido uma viagem fantástica!
40 years...
I do not feel at all with 40 years old, I feel so stupidly out of the bubble that I think it's impossible that I have it 40 ! Dammmm ... 40 years!
When I was 16, I was looking at people in their 40s and I thought they were adults, responsible people, they look adults (if it makes any sense), the truth is, all the posture, the way of dressing and the behavior were adults. 40 years now and Iam seeing my self with the same eyes of my 16 years it blows my mind :)
I do not feel like an adult with 40's behavior (it seems serious coming from a mother of 2) but the truth is that I continue to appreciate and see life completely naive and willing to live always like this, with ingenuity, always believing that dreams can in fact be realized.
The difference from the 40 of today to my 16 is that I work, I have dark circles, 20kg more, some whites on my hair begin to give the air of grace, I have responsibilities, 2 children, a dog and everything else but when I get together with the "gang" os my besties it is inevitable the drollery, the laughs, that who looks from the outside does not believe that mothers of 40 years can have these behaviors.
Most of the time I find myself in bars or discos having fun and I start thinking to myself how cool Iam and then suddenly I start looking around and I see all the "teenagers and the 20's peolpe" ... and suddenly remember what I thought when I was 16/18 years old when I was in the bars and clubs to see the ""old people of 40" to have fun and shaking their heads and I remember thinking "How ridiculous they are" or "Really!!!??? Do you think you're cool?" well...face it you become exactly like them!
A good thinh that the 40's bring is self-confidence, you feel like you're on top of the world and no one can shake your ego and they way you choose to live.
Today with 75Kg to fight to lose 10kg I laugh when I speak of my weight and I face it has a peaceful crusade and not like a horror movie that iam waiting that Freddy Krueger comes and start to paunch all my "floater tummy". Today this issues doesn't seem so complicated and this is something that the 40's bring us we start to grow as adult people!
It is also a phase of introspection and memories I literally see episodes of my life like a movie screen in memory mode. When you listen to the songs that you liked and heard and before you worshiped, today you love them even more it brings out all the good memories of the past and you remember how good your journeywas.
The 40 also bring the loss, the loss the closest peolpe that surrond you, the loss of idols that we thought they were immortal, the loss of people that you study with and they were about the same age as you and you think "FUCK!", the loss of family .... and then your world shakes and loses balance.
At the age of 37 I found myself having one of the many conversation I have it with my "inside me"walking at night in my town with a church as a background feeling that from then on my life will start to change and the people that I love the most will start to disapear ... and the truth was that in that year I lost my grandfather and the following year my father.
The death of my father was the biggest putsch that life gave me, even today I pick up the all pieces.
(but one day I will talk about my dad .. not today)
And this is the 40's I see is never grow up..growing, to accept and bear the boat in the losses and sorrows, is to be happy with what we allow to ourselves to become, is not to be afraid to be ridiculous, to laugh and to make laugh, is looking back knowing that even if slightly different the future way will take the same way!
It has been a fantastic journey!
Tem sido uma viagem fantástica!
40 years...
I do not feel at all with 40 years old, I feel so stupidly out of the bubble that I think it's impossible that I have it 40 ! Dammmm ... 40 years!
When I was 16, I was looking at people in their 40s and I thought they were adults, responsible people, they look adults (if it makes any sense), the truth is, all the posture, the way of dressing and the behavior were adults. 40 years now and Iam seeing my self with the same eyes of my 16 years it blows my mind :)
I do not feel like an adult with 40's behavior (it seems serious coming from a mother of 2) but the truth is that I continue to appreciate and see life completely naive and willing to live always like this, with ingenuity, always believing that dreams can in fact be realized.
The difference from the 40 of today to my 16 is that I work, I have dark circles, 20kg more, some whites on my hair begin to give the air of grace, I have responsibilities, 2 children, a dog and everything else but when I get together with the "gang" os my besties it is inevitable the drollery, the laughs, that who looks from the outside does not believe that mothers of 40 years can have these behaviors.
Most of the time I find myself in bars or discos having fun and I start thinking to myself how cool Iam and then suddenly I start looking around and I see all the "teenagers and the 20's peolpe" ... and suddenly remember what I thought when I was 16/18 years old when I was in the bars and clubs to see the ""old people of 40" to have fun and shaking their heads and I remember thinking "How ridiculous they are" or "Really!!!??? Do you think you're cool?" well...face it you become exactly like them!
A good thinh that the 40's bring is self-confidence, you feel like you're on top of the world and no one can shake your ego and they way you choose to live.
Today with 75Kg to fight to lose 10kg I laugh when I speak of my weight and I face it has a peaceful crusade and not like a horror movie that iam waiting that Freddy Krueger comes and start to paunch all my "floater tummy". Today this issues doesn't seem so complicated and this is something that the 40's bring us we start to grow as adult people!
It is also a phase of introspection and memories I literally see episodes of my life like a movie screen in memory mode. When you listen to the songs that you liked and heard and before you worshiped, today you love them even more it brings out all the good memories of the past and you remember how good your journeywas.
The 40 also bring the loss, the loss the closest peolpe that surrond you, the loss of idols that we thought they were immortal, the loss of people that you study with and they were about the same age as you and you think "FUCK!", the loss of family .... and then your world shakes and loses balance.
At the age of 37 I found myself having one of the many conversation I have it with my "inside me"walking at night in my town with a church as a background feeling that from then on my life will start to change and the people that I love the most will start to disapear ... and the truth was that in that year I lost my grandfather and the following year my father.
The death of my father was the biggest putsch that life gave me, even today I pick up the all pieces.
(but one day I will talk about my dad .. not today)
And this is the 40's I see is never grow up..growing, to accept and bear the boat in the losses and sorrows, is to be happy with what we allow to ourselves to become, is not to be afraid to be ridiculous, to laugh and to make laugh, is looking back knowing that even if slightly different the future way will take the same way!
It has been a fantastic journey!
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